There was one night, about nine months ago, when I had a very distinct dream.
Now, I have a lot dreams, and my dreams have always been very vibrant. They are stories. Sometimes memories. Usually connected to each other somehow. The characters overlap and sometimes the plot repeats itself. Up until nine months ago, they my dreams never really meant anything to me.
That day, I had been betrayed by someone. I was manipulated, tricked into thinking this person cared about me and wanted to help me grow in my walk with the Lord. They reached out to me to have lunch, and I trusted their intentions were good. Unfortunately, when we met, I realized through some of the things that were mentioned in our conversation, that they were not being genuine with me. There were ulterior motives, and I was on to it. I left the meeting feeling like a fool for even believing their sincerity over the phone. What a hurtful thing for her to do to someone in such an emotionally broken state.
It wasn’t until later on that evening that I felt the anger. The frustration came later as well. I started to feel like I couldn’t trust anyone. Not if people that seemed so genuine could do something so selfish and hurtful. In my anger with what she did, I lashed out. I laid out all of my feelings about the situation in a text message. I said my peace, and felt immense emotional relief afterwards. And I didn’t feel bad about it. I didn’t feel convicted. I felt like I had done the right thing by letting her know that she hadn’t fooled me.
That was the night the Lord spoke to me through a dream. To be honest, I don’t even remember the dream anymore. All I remember is the picture God etched in my brain of one of the scenes from the dream, almost like a movie that God put on permanent pause. I know that in the dream I was getting a tattoo, and the paused scene is an image of the tattoo after it was completed. The tattoo was a quote from Exodus 14:14-
“The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.”
It started on my bicep and stretched all the way to my forearm. In a victorian carnival-type font, the tattoo was pretty large and the word STILL was in all capital letters and stood out very prominently. I woke up with this very vivid picture of the tattoo and immediately knew what God was communicating to me.
“Jillian, I’m fighting this battle. Step back, this is my battle to fight.”
The Lord was reminding me that it was His battle to fight, not mine. I didn’t need to respond to my situation the way that I did. It was not necessary for me to express my emotions to someone who clearly didn’t even really care about me. I needed to stop fighting the Lord’s battles for Him, and that wasn’t the first time He has ever told me something like that. I had been fighting the Lord’s battles for years, taking over where I saw fit, and leading my life where I wanted it to go. So this little reminder from the Lord was not a surprise, although it was definitely timely.
And that’s just the thing — He handles everything in His due time. It is simply my job to be silent, to trust Him, and to just WAIT. Being the bigger person sometimes means being little, & letting God be the BIG God that He is.
What I will NEVER forget from this tattoo dream is simple: the Lord will stand up in my defense, when nobody else will. He is on my side. I just need to be silent, to be still, & to watch Him work.
And yes, my next tattoo will most likely be the one God showed me in this dream.