Breathe a sigh of relief!
I spent most of 2016 going through some major growing pains. For me, it was a year of self-assessment, reconnection with God, & honestly, some major soul searching. 2016 was the year when God finally got my attention. He finally has my whole heart, & He used this past year to restructure my life, especially the way that I view myself.
I started this blog in 2016 as the result of a dream. This year God has spoken to me in some pretty vivid dreams, & one of them resulted in a wide awakening that I needed to begin writing a blog again, & that I needed to call it “Undefined.” It was God’s way of defining what He was doing in my heart & in my soul — He was redefining me. But it was only after several months of breaking me down & undefining me that He was able to start.
In 2016, I finally slowed down. I realized that by hustling all the time, I actually wasn’t getting anywhere. We all need alone time, to breathe, to pour back into ourselves & to give ourselves opportunities to experience the things that grow us, teach us, & most importantly, that bring us joy. (Even the most extroverted of all of us).
Up until this year, when I would stay home or spend a day writing or reading, I felt like I was wasting my time, even though I was doing something productive. Even though I was doing something that I enjoyed, I felt like I needed to be out doing something more. So you can imagine whenever I was alone in my apartment, how useless & purposeless I felt. So I began to avoid alone time as much as I could, & for years I filled my life up with stuff, including friends that I soon found out weren’t actually engaged in my life at all. I didn’t realize that by avoiding using the gifts & talents God has given me, & by stifling any creative outlets that I had in my life, I was neglecting to feed my soul. I didn’t realize then how energizing writing was for me. I didn’t realize how I was depriving my soul of nutrients when I put down whatever book I was reading. I didn’t understand just how important it is to get alone with God & let Him just have his way through my writing & through my music.
Being alone & spending time with Jesus isn’t a waste of time. In fact, it is the best way that I can spend my time. It is all just training me & preparing me for the life of service in pouring myself out to others that He lays ahead of me. I’ve learned that what matters most in my life is to keep His voice active in my soul & to keep that communication going. He speaks to me through the songs I write & He uses my blog posts to answer a lot of the questions that I wrestle with. After I work on a song for a few hours or after I compose a thoughtful blog post, I feel so much joy & energy flowing through my veins.
“Sharing our gifts & talents with the world is the most powerful source of connection with God.”
“When we cultivate our gifts & share them with the world, we create a sense of meaning & purpose in our lives.”
My goal for 2017 is inspired by these Truths, & it is so, so simple.
This year I’m going to pursue my dreams instead of waiting for them. I’m going to write, & I’m going to play music, & I’m going to sing. I’m going to read, & be inspired by others, & I’m going to just do the things that I imagine myself doing. I’m going to carve out time for the creative things that I love & I’m not going to think about the future — the details that intimidate me & hold me back from just being creative now. I’m just going to do what I can do in this very moment, & let God use my gifts & talents to influence the people around me NOW.
This year I’m going to cultivate my gifts, & connect with God through them. Whether anyone reads these blog posts or even hears the songs I write, I will still put my all into every single detail if it connects me closer to God allows me to influence the people that I have around me. If God is with me, I cannot fall.